Mirror+Witting

The bird's nest staring back at me seems familiar. He is looking at we with a “whats-the-point” look. His eyes are smothered in a shadow of untidy hair. It may as well be a big woolly hood. Most of his face is covered in it, so describing his eyes will be hard. But through his dense fringe, his eyes are as dark as his attitude towards getting a hair cut. He arrived on earth in 1996 in Barhann Hospital in Saudi Arabia. One day when he was four, he ran outside to his candy tree, hopeful that it grew some fruit bursts over night (parents). As he was halfway there, he noticed something in his tree – as he grew closer, he saw a gummy snake the length of his arm! When he was about a foot away, he froze. It was moving. Peering closer, he saw what normal people will see in zoo's. Instead of some candy, there was a handsome looking green snake scoffing all the candy, and since he was only four, he thought it was a present from his parents, so he grabbed it and ran inside with it. His Mum almost had a fit, and his Dad grabbed it and chucked it outside. The sad, snakless boy thought he would never see it again – but, every day since then, it came back, coiling around his leg in a friendly way so his parents finally gave in and kept it. His ambition in life is not that normal – he always wanted to be in the Special Air Force. For most of his life, he wanted to be in the army, but he had never thought of flying for the army. Much more fun to be flying a jet than walking. But, getting in to the SPECIAL air force will be hard – he is already special, but - there are buff as guys in the air force, so even getting in to the air force will be hard for him, but if he tries hard hard enough he will be able to achieve this goal. By Max Miss Crawford - This is a strong piece of writing that can be built on to become better. You have a few spelling errors, I have underlined them. I love the story of the snake, but wonder if you could add more descriptive language - describe the snake in closer detail, maybe? What was the weather like? How did you feel when you saw the snake? Have a read of paragraph 3 again, it started strong but then you started to waffle a bit by repeating similiar things over again. How could you make this more concise?